Mosquitoes Are Horrible Party Guests- A Cautionary Tale

I like nature as much as the next guy. Okay, probably a little less than the next guy, because lately, Mother Nature's been unleashing some fury on my body in the form of mosquitoes. This. Is. No. Joke. Sitting here typing this, I can count at least 15 bites. A girl is just trying to spend some time in the great outdoors (her friend's backyard pool...) and this is how I get punished?
And I have yet to mention, that FIVE of these bites are ON. MY. FACE.

WHAT THE HECK.

Have you ever heard of anyone who has ever gotten bitten on their face? I haven't. Let alone five times. If this is what being the Chosen One feels like, I'll have to pass.


This is what I looked like before I was hit with the harsh plague of the mosquitos. Look how carefree Past Christina looked- she's doesn't now what Present Christina knows now. Notice the bricks behind me, proof that I did indeed spend some time outdoors.

I've always been told that mosquitoes are really attracted to me because I have sweet blood. But just about everything about me is sweet (insert cheesy smile with the *ding* tooth sparkle here), and this is starting to get a little crazy. I mean, excuse me for thinking that if I minded my own business, they would just let me lead a peaceful life. I wouldn't even mind if they hung around at the pool party, I couldn't really blame them because it was a lot of fun, but man, there's always that one party guest that has to take it too far, and last night it was the mosquitoes. Those vindictive, merciless, malicious, unrelenting, vengeful little blood-suckers. (Can you tell I used a thesaurus?)

Anyone who has had a mosquito bite knows the struggle. That itch is enough to make you go to desperate measures. I read online that putting a hot spoon over your bite will help to kill the protein that causes the itch. I'm in no position to be picky about my itch-soothing methods, so of course I tried it.

Now, a hot spoon seems like a very simple object, but how does one go about actually heating the spoon?
First, I tried to put it in the microwave. Apparently, you're not supposed to put metal spoons in there (who would have thought?!), so I moved onto Plan B- the kettle.

I put some water in the kettle and brought it to a boil, putting the spoon over the steam of the kettle. Now I understand why people say "Hindsight is 20/20" because looking back, it should've been obvious the spoon was going to be very, very hot...

I wouldn't say my burn is extremely severe, but it competes for my attention with the 15 mosquito bites quite nicely- it's really holding it's own. So here I am sitting at the computer with a cup of tea (how mature of me), because why let the boiled water go to waste, right?

The point of this story isn't to make you think I'm an idiot (I was on Honour Roll in high school, I promise), but to advise the public to think it through before engaging in done-in-your-garage-by-your-Uncle-Johnny home remedies.