5 Skills to Learn Before We Leave the Nest

Let's be honest, people, we need to learn these things. Maybe some of you will read this and be like, "Wow Christina, you're an idiot, I'm so great at all these things, you're going to be a failure at life", but I feel that almost everyone has at least one or two of the things below to work on. The first step to progress is realizing we have a problem. We've got a few things to learn before we're considered "grown ups" and that's okay. We're all in this together, 18 plus crowd.

Photo from real-estate.com.au

1. Taxes and Other Moneyish Things

Or anything bank related for that matter. I've realized that I know nothing about the finances in my life. Today was actually the first day I've been present while my taxes were being done (hence the inspiration for this post), and I was completely confused. A few weeks ago, my mom told me that she had made an appointment for me, and to start gathering everything I would need. Everything I would need? Like what? I was completely at a loss for what this whole tax thing required. Do you need a lock of my hair, or a goat for sacrifice perhaps? I really think all young people should have knowledge of at least basic bank/tax/whatever knowledge. That math is a whole lot more important than quadratic formulas and algebra with more letters than numbers.

2. Talking on the Phone Without Having a Panic Attack

Ask my best friends, and they'll tell you the last thing I have a problem with is talking on the phone. I can go on and on and waste hours... but only with them. The second someone asks me to call and make an appointment for myself (exactly why my mother called to place my tax-appointment in the first place), I start imagining the awkward situations that will no doubt happen. "What if they ask me a question and I can't answer? Then we'll have an awkward silence and I'll stutter and they'll judge me and tell their coworkers about me and...." until my mother accepts I'm a psycho and does the appointment booking for me. In this electronic age, it's important for us to have telephone skills, if only to be able to make appointments and call 911. ("Hey 911, do you mind if I just text you the description of the burglar in my home? It'll make me feel way more comfortable. Okay, thanks.")

3. Running a Household and all that Jazz

And by that I mean everything, cooking, laundry, mowing the lawn, ensuring the house doesn't burn to the ground, you know, the basics. In all honesty, I know very little about this sort of stuff. I can make a mean Mr. Noodle, even scrambled eggs when I'm feeling super fancy, but I'm assuming that's not enough in the real world. Before one leaves the nest, I feel like they should probably know enough about domestic duties to not be afraid to have their mother over for dinner. (And that goes for girls AND guys!)

4. Paying Bills

I know this is covered in number 1 but I feel like it needs it's own point, because this one will just be an issue for a cheapskate such as myself. Bills are slightly less fun when you're the one who has to deal with them. Donations are always welcome.

5. Weening off the Cell Phone

I know, guys, this ones a hard one. Don't freak out and close the page yet, hear me out. Young people, myself included, spend waaaaaay too much time on cell phones. Texting, tweeting, Instagram-ing, Facebooking, and all the other social media "-ings" we do. Believe me when I say I love social media, and my phone is one of my prized possessions (I mean, what could be better than a device that can save you from boredom and awkward moments when you run out of things to say during a real-life conversation?!) but we have to remember the value of actually sitting down with our friends and spending time together. Gossiping about others in person is always better than doing so over text messages, you can trust me on that one. So go outside, squint into the sunlight (I know it's been a while, take a minute), and put the phone away once in a while. 

If Guys You Meet at Parties Were Alcohol

Parties are always a mish mash of different personalities. You can meet a potential best friend, or a potential stalker. It's like a lottery, except the odds of hitting the jackpot are probably way less. We've all met these types of guys...

Photo by drinkinginamerica.com

1. The Wine Cooler

Sickly sweet, the Wine Cooler tells you everything you want to hear. By the end of the night you've received compliments on your hair, shoes, eyes, and personality, and when they run out of normal things to compliment they start to grasp at straws, "I like your curly hair, it's really big." Now, like the drink, the Wine Cooler can only be handled in small doses, or else you're sure to get a headache by the end of the night. This one's probably a creep, be ready to do your "get me out of this conversation" hand signal to your BFF.

2. The Beer

Athletic and manly, the Beer is a guy's guy. Expect some chest bumping or a baseball cap sporting some logo that you couldn't place if your life depended on it. Bubbly and laid back, the Beer can be found over by the pong table, or chugging back a few with his teammates. But, like most girls' sentiments on beer, they just aren't our taste. The Beer is too busy entertaining the guys than impressing the girls. Even if you do get a second to talk to him, he just doesn't know how to interact with the opposite sex, and leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Next!

3. The Wine

The Wine just doesn't belong here. Quiet and reserved, the Wine sports an air of elegance not visible with the other gentlemen at the party. While you wouldn't be keen to approach him, because he would just slow down your party mood, you appreciate his charm. Don't write this one off though, he's probably just better suited to a nice dinner one on one. How did he even get here anyways? 

4. The Vodka

The Vodka is the life of the party. His motives are clear and transparent, this guy just wants everyone to have a good time. Mixing with everyone, the Vodka is the one you want to be around. But, unfortunately, so do all of the other girls, so be ready to pull out your best pick up lines to stay on top. A word of caution, too much time with this guy will get you on the roof of the house or facedown on the lawn before you know it. Maybe the Vodka is a little bit of a troublemaker, use discretion...

5. The Water

This one should be obvious. The Water is the "boring" one. You know he has to be there, to be the DD or to make sure his friends don't end up in a jail cell by the end of the night. With a clear head, this is the guy that, if your mom was a fly on the wall at this party, would want you to spend time with. On second thought, he's the guy you should talk to, just not in this party setting, maybe somewhere with less drunks everywhere.

Let's be honest here, very rarely does one find a lifelong friend, or husband material, at a wild bash. The guys above are no exception. My advice? Head to the party, stick with your best girlfriends, and you're sure to have a great time no matter who you meet!

The Kardashians are Making Me Klaustrophobic

Just like a lot of other people, I love celebrity gossip. In line at the grocery store, I can't help flipping through the magazines with headlines screaming celebrity pregnancies, divorces, drug problems, superpowers, and all that.
A few celebrities I am totally tired of hearing about are the Kardashians.

Don't get me wrong, I've watched their show Keeping Up With The Kardashians a bunch of times, and just between you and I, actually really loved it. The ridiculous drama is a guilty pleasure of mine.

The reason I'm tired of them isn't really their fault, now that I think about it. It's the insane amount of publicity every minor activity they perform receives. And that would be the fault of paparazzi and the like.

I just don't understand some of the articles I've seen. "Kim Goes Shopping" "Kourtney Goes to the Park with Her Son", the list goes on and on. Do people not realize that these are normal, every day tasks? Why is it necessary to report on them with such awe,  like us, the Little People, have never been to a mall before?

I've also realized now more than ever, every one of Kim's decisions receives a flurry of discussions, some that are totally unnecessary. For example, during Kim's pregnancy, I kid you not, I saw copious amounts of articles including multiple variations of the quote "I Just Can't Stop Eating Junk Food!"

....

Wow, what an intense piece of investigative journalism! I'm intrigued!

I assure you, if I was a celebrity and every time I ate something bad for me an article came out, my fans would be buying weekly 500 page novels at the grocery store checkout.

Maybe I'll pull a Chris Crocker :"LEAVE KIM K ALONE!", or better yet, just leave me alone. I have no interest hearing what sandwich Kim ate today because I'll be too busy scarfing a bag of chips or something else that would garner a lot of attention if I was famous for...whatever it is that the Kardashians are famous for.

Just call me Khristina.

Everyone Has A Snowday Except for Me

Because I've lived in Canada my entire life, I'd like to say that I know how to handle the cold. Give me a foot of snow? No problem, I have my trusty boots by my side. Give me -5 temperatures? No problem, I've got a horrible looking down-filled jacket to protect me.

Well, for the most part, this year's Canadian winter has been easy to handle because I've been off of school for the last month. Nearly the whole month of December I've been toasty warm in my house.

Now, school has resumed and Mother Nature has decided this week would be the best week to create weather of apocalyptic proportions. Today, the temperature outside feels like MINUS FORTY. Yes, you read it right, -40 degrees Celsius is the weather in which I am expected to wait outside for my bus like a pig ready for slaughter.

One would think that WAY below freezing temperatures like that would at least afford students one or two days of school closures. Not a chance. I'd like to meet whoever decides on these type of things, because obviously they're extremely confused and/or deranged. If it's being said that human skin should not be exposed to this type of temperature for more than five minutes, what makes this person think it's a grand idea for us to trek to school? Sure, I have a pretty extensive collection of hats and mittens, but my balaclava collection is lacking.

Hey guys, no I'm not about to rob a bank, I'm just trying to survive the school day.
Photo by en.wikipedia.org.

The worst part is going onto social media and seeing all of the other school closures that aren't your school. It feels like every other institution of education was like "Let's preserve the lives of our students and let them be all snuggly at home." While mine had no remorse of any sort.

Luckily for me, I'm a princess and there is no way I will subject myself to that kind of torture, therefore, I have created my own snow day for myself. I like to call it "Christina-Values-Her-Skin-Too-Much-For-It-To-Be-Burned-Off-By-Ungodly-Temperatures Day".

I'm a Typical Teenage Girl: Halloween

Whenever I scroll through my Twitter feed, I always find funny tweets making fun of teenage girls.
Being a teenage girl myself, I always laugh at them and think, "How funny! Good thing I'm not like that!"

Until I am.

This tweet is from the account @TweetLikeAGirl :

I saw it and was like, "Ahahah...wait-"

Crap. I'M a typical teenage girl. In my defence, this was a last minute costume and the only simple costume accessories I found in my closet. But let's be real, those ears ARE pretty darn cute.

I guess it's not so bad being a "typical" teenage girl after all. :)

...But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop laughing at those tweets.

Happy (Belated?) Halloween everyone!

The Not-so-Magic School Bus

Photo by pixabay.com

A little while ago I talked all about my gripes with the airplane. But, most people, unless you're Justin Bieber or someone, rarely are on planes and therefore can handle the crappy food and general discomfort for a short amount of time . The bus, on the other hand, is a mode of transportation that I am all too familiar with, because I take two buses to get to and from school. This means I spend about two hours a day dealing with public transportation. And for someone who doesn't particularly enjoy being engulfed in the body odour of strangers, this isn't exactly a walk in the park.

Let me clarify for those lucky souls who have never been on a bus before. If you are one of the passengers with the misfortune of having to stand during the ride, I assure you that you had better be ready to hold on for dear life. Every turn and lane change has you enacting some serious pole dancing moves to remain upright. There is no way that you can stand without leaning on or holding onto anything. So don't try it. Don't be a hero.

While it's obvious that standing on the bus isn't a good time, sometimes sitting isn't a blast either. When I have no one sitting beside me, I'm so content. I've got my headphones in, jamming to Lana and enjoying my personal space. Once someone sits down, that all changes. Most of the time, a normal person sits beside me, and I'm cool with that. But once in a while, you get that smelly, personal bubble-bursting, possibly psychotic person who plops themselves down right next to you.

This leads me to two requirements I would enact if I was the owner of a bus company (and just for the record, I have no plans to become one, although I'm sure I'd do amazing):

1. The Shower Policy: If one has not showered in many a day, or has a strong musk that follows 20 feet behind them, they are not welcome on Christina Bus Routes.

2. Christina Bus Routes reserves the right to request a Breathalyzer test of any passenger they deem necessary.

The second one is totally not a joke. The other day a guy stumbled on the bus, bloodshot eyes, goofy smile and all. And of course he had to stand, which requires 120% focus and highly developed motor skills. This guy is flailing around, generally just being a nuisance, and nearly tumbles out of the bus when his stop comes. Therefore Rule #2 is incredibly, incredibly necessary.

Also, the drivers are not always a ray of sunshine either.

A few weeks ago, I was running late and saw the bus coming down the street. I couldn't make it to the bus stop in time, so therefore just stood on the side of the road, praying the driver would take pity on my pathetic soul and stop for me, which she did.
Out of breath, I began to thank her, "Thanks, sorry I-"
And this lady interrupts me by saying "Next time I would advise you to wake up earlier."

WHAT?

Photo by openclipart.org

Hold on right there, woman! I just woke up late, had to run around the house like a psycho getting ready, run to attempt to make it to my stop, embarrass myself, and all around just be in a state of panic for half an hour, and you have the audacity to give me ADVICE, which was not really ADVICE at all. I don't need your sass this early in the morning, PAL. (As you can see, I'm a total ray of sunshine in the morning, so everyone else should be, too, right?)

So there are a few reasons why my morning commute is not half as enjoyable as I would like. I'll be accepting vehicle donations all week.

Transportation Troubles: The Airplane

I know, I know, it's been a while since I've posted. But before anyone gets too offended, I have some pretty good excuses. I spent a week in Punta Cana, and I am now onto my third week of university, so it's been a pretty exciting month! Some things that I don't find exciting, though, are public modes of transportation. In the past month, I have experienced a couple plane rides, and more trips on the bus then I would like (which is zero), and naturally, I have complaints about them both. In this post, I'm going to focus on my lovely plane riding experience.

Photo by pixabay.com

Before I get into it, let me just say that I am not a particularly good flier. Before I board, I try to pump myself up like, "People go on planes every day, you've got this!" But let's be real, airplanes are just not a good time.

There's the total lack of space. While I believe that I'm meant for a first class life, unfortunately I'm on a mediocre class budget, and therefore get herded onto the plane with the rest of the peasants. This is an issue, because I have a case of self-diagnosed Restless Leg Syndrome. I am literally always tapping my feet or bumping my knees up and down, and that is just not conducive to the airplane experience. There is no room for my crazy legs to fly around and this makes me incredibly (you guessed it) restless. While doing my Irish dance steps/ restless leg fidgeting, I keep accidentally kicking the back of the person's chair in front of me, leading me to forever be bracing for them to turn around and rip one of my restless legs right off.

Comfy.
Photo by pixabay.com

Next is the back of the chair. The airline graciously gives you one of two options. Bolt upright- your body literally at a 90 degree angle, your posture rivalling those of soldiers at attention. The second, for your flying comfort, is to put your chair back about half a millimetre to 88.5 degrees, which will undoubtedly make you feel like your lying on a cloud while soaring through the clouds. It never seems like much when you lean back yourself, but God forbid the person in front of you leans back, because then it pretty much feels like their head is in your lap.

The food is one of my personal favourites. On my flight, I was lucky enough to be served breakfast. It was an egg/omelette type of substance, or so they told me, in a prepackaged container with the label "Expiry Date: August 2014". This might just be me, but I'm pretty sure eggs are not supposed to remain edible for one year. A label like that must be questioned.

Lastly, the safety precaution video at the beginning of the flight. For an anxious flier like myself, this is just what a need to make me feel safe and prepared. A ten minute video highlighting literally every possible horrific outcome of the flight I'm out to take off on. "Oxygen masks are above, life jackets below, suits of armor to your right..."
The animated characters to go along with the video are even better. They demonstrate how to put on these masks and life jackets and suits of armor with such a serene look upon their face. "The plane's nose-diving? It's cool dude, we've got lifejackets and this fun emergency exit slide to use, nothing to stress about. Let's exit in an orderly fashion." Not a care in the world.
I'm just saying, in the event of some sort of crazy emergency,  you won't be seeing me doing much of anything in a sane fashion, let alone an orderly one. I'd probably be pushing children and the elderly out of my way to get to the nearest exit, yelling "ADIOS AMIGOS" and hightailing it out of there.

In the end, thankfully, I made it to Punta Cana safe and sound, and boy was it beautiful. Worth every moment of my restless, artificial egg eating plane ride with my plane-neighbour's head in my lap.